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This one-to-one with Jesus might well be painful. There may be times when God will need to deal with our divided heart and break our pride that sets itself up against him. But he doesn’t crush us. As uncomfortable as it might well be, if it means being made whole, it’s worth it. The grace that saved us in the first place is the grace we need, the grace to keep healing our brokenness. Never think that you’re beyond his love and grace. Never think that you’re too broken to mend. Bring your brokenness to Jesus. Let him wipe away the tears; let him heal the hurts.

  Come broken. Become whole.

  Come back to the Old Testament:

  But he was pierced for our rebellion,

  crushed for our sins.

  He was beaten so we could be whole.

  He was whipped so we could be healed.

  All of us, like sheep, have strayed away.

  We have left God’s paths to follow our own.

  Yet the LORD laid on him

  the sins of us all.

  (Isaiah 53:5–6 NLT)

  Wonderland

  Do you have a divided heart?

  What does it feel like?

  If you sense God exposing the sin in your life, how are you responding?

  If you’re experiencing ‘brokenness’, what does it feel like? When do you think you’ll be ready to invite Jesus to heal your heart and make you whole?

  Living in a world damaged by sin can at different times dismantle our sense of being loved and valued, and leave us feeling alone and exposed. Is there anything in your life that you long for God to rebuild?

  My sanctuary

  The way you express your love for Jesus will depend on the kind of relationship you see yourself having with him. If you know you’re broken and can only be made whole by him, your love will flow out of you like a tidal wave. You’ll be a reckless worshipper. You won’t care what other people think. You’ll be too caught up in abandoned devotion.

  Having been made whole by Jesus, a woman called Mary defied convention and upset the religious crew with her extravagant worship of the One who made her whole. Read her story below a few times. Pause between each reading and imagine yourself at the scene. Ask God to make ideas and words jump out at you as you read.

  One of the Pharisees asked him over for a meal. He went to the Pharisee’s house and sat down at the dinner table. Just then a woman of the village, the town harlot, having learned that Jesus was a guest in the home of the Pharisee, came with a bottle of very expensive perfume and stood at his feet, weeping, raining tears on his feet. Letting down her hair, she dried his feet, kissed them, and anointed them with the perfume. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, ‘If this man was the prophet I thought he was, he would have known what kind of woman this is who is falling all over him.’

  Jesus said to him, ‘Simon, I have something to tell you.’

  ‘Oh? Tell me.’

  ‘Two men were in debt to a banker. One owed five hundred silver pieces, the other fifty. Neither of them could pay up, and so the banker canceled both debts. Which of the two would be more grateful?’

  Simon answered, ‘I suppose the one who was forgiven the most.’

  ‘That’s right,’ said Jesus. Then turning to the woman, but speaking to Simon, he said, ‘Do you see this woman? I came to your home; you provided no water for my feet, but she rained tears on my feet and dried them with her hair. You gave me no greeting, but from the time I arrived she hasn’t quit kissing my feet. You provided nothing for freshening up, but she has soothed my feet with perfume. Impressive, isn’t it? She was forgiven many, many sins, and so she is very, very grateful. If the forgiveness is minimal, the gratitude is minimal.’

  Then he spoke to her: ‘I forgive your sins.’

  That set the dinner guests talking behind his back: ‘Who does he think he is, forgiving sins!’

  He ignored them and said to the woman, ‘Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.’

  (Luke 7:36–50 MSG)

  What do you want to do now to express your love and gratitude to Jesus?

  Go for it. You’re in front of an audience of One!

  Weight of words

  One Christmas I went on a walk with a bunch of friends and found myself chatting with Toni. She was still reeling from something a guy she loved had said to her.

  In the heat of an argument he had shouted, ‘You’re ugly.’

  That’s ugly!

  Somehow, somewhere, this guy had been damaged, and he was passing it on. And he was passing it on to the girlfriend he said he loved.

  Trudging through the leaves on our walk together, I was heartbroken for her. She hadn’t been physically hit, manipulated or forced into anything. But she had been wounded. And it had locked deep within her the lie that she’s neither lovely nor lovable.

  That kind of thing is hard to shake off.

  Just like a deflating beach ball retains the imprint of a kick, Toni had retained the shape of this guy’s lies. They had knocked her out of shape. It made me wonder if all of us share her experience in some way. Our ‘knocks’ might not even look very significant to others, but they still leave an imprint, still hold us captive.

  Let me tell you something about Toni: she’s beautiful. I know you expected me to say that, but she is. Inside and out. She’s luminous. She’s funny. She is loved by her family and has dreams for her future.

  So why did it matter so much what this guy said?

  Because what people say can carry a specific kind of weight in our lives that we might drag around with us for years. Like chains round the feet of a convict. Friend, stranger, parent, boyfriend – what people say stays.

  We all carry words around with us. In us, on us, over us. Words that are brutal. Words that are beautiful. Words of encouragement. Words of criticism. We pick them up from people, or they are thrown at us. We might let some words settle on us briefly like butterflies: ‘You’re lovely’; ‘I believe in you.’ When there’s no wind or sudden movement, these butterfly-words sit so lightly on us and feel so good. But then the weather changes, and they’re off.

  But what if the right kind of words could take hold of us and, instead of trapping us, transform us? What if we could get to the point of hearing the words of fear, insecurity and judgment, but choose not to receive them? What if, instead of fear being etched on our lives, we could be free?

  What words hang over your life, or shout out from you without you even having to say them? What ideas frame your life, shaping everything? Even if you’ve grown up being encouraged to appreciate your tremendous God-given worth, what gets in the way of you believing it for yourself? And what stops you acting as if you believe it about others?

  Intrinsically you

  I was so glad that when Toni needed it most, she had a day trudging through the snow with people who could push back the lie with the truth, that although people will say cruel things (and none of us can control that), her worth is not something she must gain, but it is already hers and can’t ever be taken away. She was reminded that no matter how powerful the ‘knocks’, she could still reach out and touch the truth. And it switched a light on in her heart.

  The truth she discovered is yours too.

  This is true not because Toni believes it, or even because it’s printed in this book! It is true because it’s from God. Anything that is good and true and life bringing is God’s. The truth is that the value and worth placed on your life is not of your making or another’s breaking. It’s intrinsic, in you already, God-created and God-given. This is the truth about your identity that can ultimately combat the lies that try to convince you that you’re anything less.

  Your heart can stay steadfast – even in the storms of rejection, disappointment or apparent hopelessness.

  But you may be coming up against a common problem right now: you’re not sure that you believe this truth. In your head you do – it sounds good and familiar to say that you’re intrinsically lovely, loved by God and precious in his eyes. But in your heart, you�
��re not convinced. In fact, in your heart you might believe the very opposite: that you’re not lovely, loved or worthy of love. This is a problem, because no matter how hard you try, you can’t believe two conflicting truths.

  One has to win out. And for one to win out, the other has to admit defeat and get lost!

  Identity wars

  I know that when the battle for my identity rages in my heart, I am a woman at war with myself and others. I crave comfort, so I seek out comforting behaviours like shopping, eating fast food, watching endless TV. Comfort-seeking behaviours are varied (habitual masturbation, guy attention, misusing alcohol, hurting our bodies), but they all fail in the same spectacular way.

  Because nothing comforts us like God.

  Take Amy. Over the years she’s had a lot of other people’s damage passed on to her, and at times she feels overwhelmed by so much anger. The lies spoken over her have really knocked her, shaping her thoughts. All of this affects how she feels about herself, and influences what she does. Like Toni, she is intrinsically lovely. She has a certain magnetism, and she’s a genius in befriending people, but she finds it hard to believe that her life has any intrinsic value or worth at all. She’s struggling, but by listening to the truth of her identity as God’s daughter, she is allowing a shift in her thoughts that will affect her feelings and actions. It’ll take time of course. But it is happening.

  In the New Testament, Paul talks about the need we all have to ‘put off’ old things to allow us to step into freedom. For him, being free is the path to growing in maturity as disciples of Jesus. So he encourages the Colossian Christians to put off their old selves and ‘put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him’ (Colossians 3:10 NLT).

  The Greek word for ‘putting off’ is one that expresses real physical effort, like shifting a heavy sofa or redecorating a house. It requires real effort to change your mind, feelings, ways, actions, future and expectations. But it’s necessary, and the great news is that we never have to do this on our own. God never abandons us.

  Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves... and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

  (Romans 8:26–28 MSG)

  Put it off

  So what are some of the things you would like to ‘put off’? See if any of these resonate with you...

  You’ve got so good at accepting the lies people say about you, that you don’t know if you will ever be able to believe anything different.

  You just don’t know what you’re supposed to be doing. People around you seem so sorted, which is making you retreat into your shell.

  You started masturbating because you were curious about your body and sexual feelings, but now you indulge in it so much that you don’t think you can stop. The guilt is weighing you down.

  Very few of us are good at receiving compliments, but your current aggressive response to friends’ appreciation of you is pushing away the very people you need around you.

  Past failures are making it difficult for you to step out of your comfort zone and give new things a try. People think you’re cynical, but you’re not. You’re just afraid.

  Your love of fashion has become an obsession. People think you’re vain, but you’re not. You’re just insecure.

  When you feel unable to control or cope with something, you find ways to hurt yourself.

  Someone you love is struggling, and you can’t fix it for them. It feels like a heavy weight around your neck, and makes you question your ability to love.

  If you’re in one of these places now, or they are where you sometimes find yourself, remember that Jesus is really good at finding us when we feel lost. And more than that, he’s incredibly good at making new and beautiful things out of lives that feel trapped. He’s the Master of new beginnings and fresh hope.

  Sometimes we think that new beginnings are all about what we can achieve. So often I hear people tell me that they need to get themselves into a ‘good place with God’ before things can change in their lives. I’m not sure what place that is. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever got myself into a good place with God. The only place I can be with God is where I am. Where I can hear his voice inviting me to trust that he has good things in his heart for me. That I can be free.

  Gone girl

  One of my favourite women in the Bible is nameless. Well, she has a name; we just don’t get told what it is. Which is probably the point the author is trying to make. Because the fact that she’s unmarried, has been connected to many men, and we meet her collecting water from a well at the hottest and quietest point of the day, all says something about who she is – or rather, who she isn’t. Life in Palestine for women in the first century was hard.

  Around the time when Jesus met this woman at the well, Middle Eastern historians tell us there were about 140 men for every 100 women. Why were there so many more blokes around? Horrifically, unwanted baby girls were often left to die on the roadside for being the wrong sex. This was common practice in the Roman Empire – it wasn’t covered up; it just happened. In Ancient Rome, a father was required to raise any boy born to his wife, but by law he was only required to raise the first-born girl. All other female children were disposable, and often abandoned. In ancient Athens, girls received little or no education. As women were always seen as the property of men, if a woman in Greece or Rome was seduced or raped, the husband was by law required to divorce her – can you believe it? The laws about women were mainly laws about property: who got what.5

  Why does all this matter? Because, by contrast, Jesus never behaved like this towards women. He didn’t use them or treat them like victims. Instead, his treatment of them transformed everything they believed could be theirs, thereby giving them a new identity and a new destiny. And this is exactly what happened for our nameless heroine.

  It’s lunchtime, and the same as every other day, she creeps out of her house with her bucket to collect water from the communal well. Waiting until midday could almost guarantee that she wouldn’t have to see anyone. Seeing others meant being seen. And being seen meant being exposed to ridicule or judgment.

  But this is no ordinary day.

  And this is no ordinary stranger sitting at the well.

  He already senses her inferiority. He already knows she’s desperately thirsty, not for the water she’s come to collect, but for the life he’s come to give her. Listen to how he engages her:

  Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, ‘Please give me a drink.’ He was alone at the time because his disciples had gone into the village to buy some food.

  The woman was surprised, for Jews refuse to have anything to do with Samaritans. She said to Jesus, ‘You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you asking me for a drink?’

  Jesus replied, ‘If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water.’

  (John 4:7–10 NLT)

  To this woman, trapped by the damage of sin, Jesus offers the infinite possi­bility of being free. And in this place he gives her the opportunity to receive the greatest gift of all: total and everlasting Freedom.

  It’s the gift that only Jesus can offer. Like water bursting out of the dry ground, it swept this woman off her feet. She leaves her bucket where she dropped it by the well, and runs back into her village, wanting to be seen and heard! No more slinking around, no more hiding in the shadows, no more chains of culture, gender, past hurts and future hopelessness to hold her back. She’s met Truth, she’s been in the presence of Love, and she’s never going to be the same again.

  Imagine how much she upset the mores of the day
with her new insistence that she could be free!

  Many of the Samaritans from that village committed themselves to him because of the woman’s witness: ‘He knew all about the things I did. He knows me inside and out!’

  (John 4:39 MSG)

  What do you think happened the next day?

  Eternal life might be bubbling up inside her, but she still needs to collect water from the well! Yet this time it’s different. Instead of hiding until the coast is clear, she steps out boldly and takes her place with the crowd of other women heading to the well. A daily reminder to herself and others that there is something and someone who is greater than culture, insecurity, fear, bad choices and other people’s damage and discrimination.

  I can see her pulling her overflowing bucket out of the well. Water sloshes out. Laughing, she closes her eyes and lifts her face to the sun. No more chains. No more fear. She’s free.

  So you can be:

  Each of us is raised into a light-filled world by our Father so that we can see where we’re going in our new grace-sovereign country... Throw yourselves wholeheartedly and full-time... into God’s way of doing things... You’re living in the freedom of God.

  (Romans 6:5, 13–14 MSG)

  Be free

  There’s no sin prison that God can’t free you from. There’s no amount of hurt or pain that God can’t heal and restore. The only thing I can do is admit that I need him, and surrender all my weapons of attack and defence. Once I do that, I begin to hear him speaking his words of truth over me. Old Testament prophet Zephaniah recorded God as singing over his beloved people when they returned to him. Imagine that: God singing about how happy he is to be your God!

  Don’t be afraid.