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  Dear Zion,

  don’t despair.

  Your GOD is present among you,

  a strong Warrior there to save you.

  Happy to have you back, he’ll calm you with his love

  and delight you with his songs.

  (Zephaniah 3:16–17 MSG)

  Wonderland

  What would you like to hear God speak over you?

  What steps could you take to let go of the damage and embrace your identity as God’s beloved daughter?

  If any of the damaging cycles I mentioned above relate to you, what could you do to begin to make some changes? Who could you share your struggles with, and who could help you hear God’s voice on them, so that you find new ways of dealing with your needs and desires?

  Is there unconfessed sin in your life that you need to repent of? The woman who met Jesus at the well experienced the freedom that comes from being forgiven and restored by Jesus. Now is a great time to open up the secret areas of your life to God’s merciful forgiveness.

  Sometimes we might wear our inability to accept love as a badge of honour, or an identity that gives us security for a while. But just like all false identities, it will end up causing us more damage in the end. Think about how you already experience God’s love, and how you would like to experience God’s love.

  My sanctuary

  Sometimes we keep bringing up our past sins or regrets like scabs that we like to scratch. We might not even be aware that we’re doing this, but every time we come to pray, worship or read the Bible, we imagine people judging us for what we know God has already forgiven us for. If you have unrepented-of sin in your life, speak it out to God and confess your need for his forgiveness. He will forgive and restore you. But if you know you’re forgiven by God, yet are finding it hard to let go of the past or people’s lies, now could be the right time to do something about it.

  As far as the east is from the west,

  so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

  (Psalm 103:12 NIV)

  Draw a picture of yourself (a stick figure will do!) in the centre of a piece of paper, then draw lines out from the figure, like spokes of a wheel. At the end of each line write a label/word/name that you have carried with you at any point in your life.

  Go through each one and ask God, ‘Is this my name? Is this who I am?’ Then be still and wait for God to answer. You may hear his voice, or have a sense of what his response is. As you go through each one, cross them out as a sign that you want to ‘put off’ these lies, with God’s help. It’s important to place new names over the old ones to fill the spaces. Here are some of your new names/identity when you follow Jesus:

  Blessed

  One with Jesus

  Loved

  Chosen

  Holy

  Adopted

  Free

  Forgiven

  Cherished

  Wise

  All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding

  (Ephesians 1:3–8 NLT, emphasis mine)

  We are at our most dangerous when we are most loved.

  Will van der Hart

  You won’t believe how much of an issue I have with love.

  Is that OK to say in a book that’s all about love? (And I’m the author!)

  In the past I used to think that the big issues I struggled with were to do with ‘something else’. I’d refer to them as my ‘stressing-out-about-food’ issue, or ‘am-I-good-enough?’ issue, or ‘does-my-bum-look-big-in-this?’ issue, or the classic ‘me-and-God-aren’t-great-right-now’ issue. The list went on.

  It took me ages to notice that my clever labelling of symptoms got me all distracted from the root cause of my problems.

  Love.

  I was hungry for it, and yet confused by it. I couldn’t work out why having loving parents and going to a vibrant church didn’t remove my deep craving for something more. I found myself pulled in all sorts of directions in an attempt to deal with the aching emptiness I sometimes felt. I was even close to ‘de-converting’ and giving up on a God who I thought was great for kids, but rubbish for real life.

  So what happened?

  God found me, all over again.

  And I found him.

  In my gap year I joined a band who sang a few tuneless numbers in dodgy outfits (it was the 1990s) in towns across Spain and Portugal. I was so hormonal and homesick, I think I fell in love with every guy I met. It was a weird time!

  Anyway, to save money, we sofa-surfed in all sorts of places. One night I found myself in a double bed, while the whole family who normally occupied it slept on the floor. It was a humbling and awkward experience. In the morning I approached my hostess to ask if there was a shower. As I had no Portuguese and she had no English, we ended up gesticulating madly. Eventually, she wandered off. I stood in the yard and waited. She came back with a bucket of water and – you’ve guessed it – poured it over my head!

  Maybe that’s a teeny bit of an exaggeration!

  (In fact, she showed me where the outside hose was.) But that’s less dramatic, and anyway, the experience of a freezing cold hose shower in a strange farmyard far from home woke me up spiritually!

  What was I doing?

  Not in the band (although we were awful). Not even in my decision whether to get a job or go on to further education. It was less about what I was doing and more about who I was being – and who I was prepared to become. A voice deep within me was saying over and over again, ‘Sort it out, Rachel, sort it out.’

  We got back to the UK, and I headed home with a new steely determination to find myself. My parents have some great woods near their home, so every day for a fortnight I trudged through the mud, head down, jaw set. ‘Show me, God, who you are. Show me, God, who I am.’

  I’d go to bed at night and write these angry exchanges between me and God.

  Nothing happened.

  Then, slowly and profoundly, I began to experience the Love I was made to know. The more I raged at the sky, the more God pulled me close and surrounded me with people who knew him well. The more I tried to find my own path to life in all its fullness, the more he stopped me in my tracks and made it impossible for me to ignore him.

  And, over time, his love melted my heart towards him, myself and others. And he’s not stopped ever since.

  I still like to remind myself of my un-loveliness from time to time. I put crazy conditions on God’s love: ‘He would love me more if...’. I look for him doing ‘stuff’ for me as evidence that he cares. I put damaging limitations on the love I expect people to show me: ‘They won’t love me if they know what I’m really like.’ Or I wait for feelings to tell me I’m somebody worth loving.

  But then I’m reminded that I’m only just starting out on this love-quest. What’s stretched out before me is a life heading into eternity, where I’ll get to see and know more and more of the love that took Jesus to the cross, for you, for me. And, thinking about that, I’m speechless.

  When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

  (Romans 5:6–8 NLT)

  Love light

  Kayleigh called me. After years of God-dodgin
g, she finally let herself be found by him. She’d been at a church service where the speaker had suggested that anyone who was tired of running away from Jesus should come to the front and sort it out – and she did, with tears and snot streaming down her face. She said ‘yes’ to Love. She said ‘yes’ to the One whose love will always find and cover her. And in doing so, she said ‘yes’ to discovering herself as his beloved.

  When did you first find God’s love? Have you found God’s love?

  The Bible tells us that we’re only able to find God because he has already found us. He’s the God who comes looking. Isn’t that incredible? He doesn’t hang back and wait: he woos us, draws us, melts us with his love. But he doesn’t just come looking; he comes to clear every barrier that would prevent us from being loved and being love.

  This is real love – not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

  (1 John 4:10 nlt)

  The love we’re made to know and show all starts and ends with God. There’s never a moment when he doesn’t love you. Discovering this is like waking up to a hot day in a wet month, or finding a ring you thought you’d lost. It’s like a gorgeous message out of the blue from a guy you really like, or being caught in the rain and then seeing a rainbow. God’s love does something to you. Spiritually, emotionally, even physically. His love has the power to change you, to grab hold of you, put you back on your feet and urge you on.

  Listen to this description of his love for Israel, his people:

  Long ago the LORD said to Israel:

  ‘I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.

  With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.’

  (Jeremiah 31:3 NLT)

  He reassures them of his amazing devotion:

  Since you are precious and honoured in my sight,

  and because I love you,

  I will give people in exchange for you,

  nations in exchange for your life.

  Do not be afraid, for I am with you;

  I will bring your children from the east

  and gather you from the west.

  (Isaiah 43:4–5 NIV)

  See the dimensions of his love? More than a feeling or someone’s opinion or an emotion in a moment, your loved-ness and your loveliness are an indisputable fact. Even in the wildest storm, God’s love is your shelter, your safe place, your path home. His love gives and believes and hopes and holds. It wakes you up to the possibilities of all you can become.

  We are really loved.

  But the reality is, I haven’t always lived out of that place of secure, unbreakable loved-ness. Instead, I’ve often been motivated by my vulnerabilities, my need for approval, affirmation or attention. Living with a sense of a lack of love brings an emotional and spiritual poverty that can leave us feeling we’re always afraid.

  But we’re not designed to live in fear.

  Brave

  There’s a powerful story in the Bible of a woman who for twelve years had experienced vaginal bleeding, making her sick and a social outcast. According to the law of Moses, anyone who touched her would immediately be contaminated. Amazingly, her heart remained steadfast, so when she heard about Jesus healing people, she took her weak body miles just to get close to him. There’s a crowd jostling around him. The noise is deafening. She’s behind him. She’s not allowed to touch anyone. But although she is risking exposure, ridicule, rejection, her desperation is making her brave...

  And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, ‘If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.’ Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.

  At once Jesus realised that power had gone out from him. He turned round in the crowd and asked, ‘Who touched my clothes?’

  ‘You see the people crowding against you,’ his disciples answered, ‘and yet you can ask, “Who touched me?”’

  But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.’

  (Mark 5:25–34 NIV)

  He feels something leave him, just as she feels life entering her. He calls her ‘daughter’, publicly restoring her identity and dignity. It’s an immediate transformation. Her boldness becomes an inspiration to others who dare to believe that they too can reach out for his healing.

  Wherever he went – in villages, cities, or the countryside – they brought the sick out to the marketplaces. They begged him to let the sick touch at least the fringe of his robe, and all who touched him were healed.

  (Mark 6:56 NLT)

  Jesus is worth grabbing!

  Reach out

  God’s love is high and wide and deep and strong. It doesn’t make sense and it’s totally undeserved. You are invited to step out into this incredible love-scape, to have this love sealed in your heart so that your life overflows from it. I meet so many Christians who believe that once they’ve messed up, they’ve lost God’s love, that somehow they’re soiled goods in his eyes. I remember cradling a friend in my arms as she sobbed over and over again, ‘God can’t love me now.’ We read through Romans 6 and felt the beautiful weight of Paul’s words reminding us that in following Jesus, our old selves were nailed to the cross and, with Jesus, we rise to a new life. Our past sin is dead.

  A great way to reach out to God is to step out in faith believing that he’s there. I find it helpful sometimes to challenge myself to start behaving as if I have nothing to fear and nothing to prove. Ask yourself, ‘If I didn’t have to prove myself in this situation, what would I do differently?’ Make a list of situations recently where you wanted to do something, but you held back because you were afraid of ridicule or judgment. It could be a sin you wanted to confess, but were afraid that it was too great for God’s love to cover. Or you may have wanted to share a testimony, speak up for someone at work/college or spread God’s love, but you felt afraid.

  A prayer:

  Lord, I’d love an opportunity to step out of my comfort zone and act in love. I have no doubt that you’ll give me one (or more!), so when it comes, please give me courage to step out.

  Live out

  When you know you’re truly loved, you’re able to live out of who you really are. You’re not loving others out of any need for affirmation and approval, nor are you being hindered or diverted by your needs and inadequacies. When you’re doing this, you’re capable of really loving and really living. Real love is when you’re generous to someone without expecting anything from them in return. When God’s love releases you in your real love-capacity, you’ll notice those around you who need you to love them like that.

  A prayer:

  Lord, I long to love others bravely, not out of my inadequacies and needs. Help me to bring those deep fears and insecurities to you. Help me to love bravely and dangerously!

  Eschet chayil

  There’s a woman in the Bible who is one of those ‘step-up’ girls! She presents a powerful picture of who God desires women to be. Solomon opens his description of her with these famous words: ‘Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies’ (Proverbs 31:10 KJV).

  If you read on, you’ll soon discover that she’s a bit of a superwoman: expert in domestic and business skills. It’s awe-inspiring and (on first reading) a little depressing – is there anything she can’t do? But when I read it again, what really grabs my attention is not what she does, but who she is. In Hebrew it reads: ‘Who can find a[n] eschet chayil ?’

  She’s called a woman (eschet), using the same word that God uses to describe the creature he has ma
de as a companion to Adam in Genesis, but she’s something else as well (chayil), and that something else has been translated in a variety of ways: ‘virtuous and capable’ (NLT), ‘good’ (MSG) and ‘of noble character’ (NIV).

  Lovely.

  But aren’t we missing something? Being ‘good’ and ‘capable’ are not things to sniff at, but when the word chayil appears in the rest of the Bible, it doesn’t mean ‘good’ and ‘capable’; it could also mean ‘forceful’ and ‘mighty’. When the angel of the Lord calls Gideon to defend Israel against Midianite oppression, he says, ‘Mighty [chayil] hero, the LORD is with you!’ (Judges 6:12 NLT). The word used to describe God in Habakkuk 3:19, ‘God is my strength!’, is God is my chayil.6

  Imagine if the way chayil is used in other passages could shine some light on how God sees us as women... God designed us to be brave women of valour!

  If you have the Spirit of God at work in your life, you are chayil. You have what it takes to stand strong in the Lord, to stand in the gap for others, to set the tone in your home, university or workplace with your love and faithfulness, not to be afraid to face the past, present or future.

  I work with some young women who struggle with anger and aggression. They’re often afraid that unless they use violence or force, they won’t be heard or respected. To outsiders they look tough, strong, brave. But underneath they’re hurt and scared. For years they’ve suffered at the hands of others who misused their strength and power. Being brave isn’t about being loud, or bossy, or manipulative. It’s about taking a stand, opening your eyes to others, stepping into the fray – whatever that might be.

  Let me tell you about some of the times I’ve witnessed the chayil shining through the women I know: